straight...but not narrow

everywhere you look...in the news, on facebook, those who tweet on twitter...you will find hoards of people voicing their opinion on gay marriage and equality. well, with my big mouth and need to write out my feelings, here i come with my views.

i am straight. heterosexual. a woman who is attracted to a man. feel free to add any other labels in there. personally, i think labels are completely stupid and useless, but again, just a personal viewpoint. i was born this way. there have been many times when i wished to be a lesbian because i had decided that 99% of the male species were pieces of shit that i wanted nothing to do with - but, again, i was born straight. i was raised in a christian home. i believe in god. i believe in heaven. i believe in an all too forgiving god that i pray to daily. i also believe that it is not my place to judge. anyone. i am responsible for myself. i am responsible for my actions. my behaviors. my attitude towards and treatment of others. these are the things that i believe i will stand in judgment of one day. my beliefs are also something used against me - how can you say you believe in god and associate with people who are gay? how can you put up with the "abomination" of a life they are living? you know that makes you a complete hypocrite, right?

i realize my little voice and my little blog mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. but my feelings and actions mean a lot to me, so this is my response to that: i'm sorry, i didn't realize you were absolutely perfect.

in the bible, and in many a bible lessons i have been a part of, we are told that a sin is a sin is a sin. however difficult it may be for us to understand, in they eyes of god, there are no "levels" of sinning. a convicted, guilty, murderer can repent and ask for forgiveness just as a thief who takes clothes from a store. both are forgiven. it has been witnessed throughout history - and even in my short 30-something years - that an entire religion can be founded on ONE verse from the bible. this is why i don't really care for religion. religion is man-made. faith. beliefs. a personal relationship with god. these things come from the heart. this is why i fall into the "spiritual, not religious" category. i know what i believe. i know what i have faith in. this does not affect you or anyone else. my personal relationship with god and what i believe to be living for in no way interferes with your life.

i do not believe to love another person is a sin. how can love be a sin? hate. i think hate darkens the soul, closes the mind, and builds walls that breed prejudice and ignorance. but love? love is light. love is goodness. love is compassion. how can those things be wrong? i constantly hear the reference of those who oppose the gay/lesbian/transgender lifestyle to the verse saying that a man who lays with another man as he lays with a woman is an abomination. (for ease of argument, the same applies to women here as well.) alright, i've read that verse. explain to me how you justify the many other verses...more specifically those that reference the following:

-a woman is to be pure on her wedding day. you are prepared to burn the gay community for loving differently than you do, but were you a virgin when you married? premarital sex is a no-no. burn in hell for that. i know i wasn't pure.
-masters are taught how to own their slaves properly. while i wasn't around during slavery, i'm going to go out on a limb and say that's not accepted in our society. actually, i think there was quite the battle to end it. something i read in a history book somewhere. would you have us go back to that?
-your body is a temple; do not alter it. have any tattoos? piercings? another no-no. grab some marshmallows because you're burning for that one too.
-divorce. nope. ever filed for one under "irreconcilable differences?" getting warm down there, yet?

i had sex before marriage. i have tattoos. i have been divorced. how can you not judge me in the manner that you judge one of my girlfriends for doing nothing but loving another human being who happens to not have a penis? on paper, i have done a lot worse than her. numbers don't lie. "judge not, lest ye be judged." if you judge me, or judge my friend, then by this verse, it means that you should prepare for us to judge every personal action and belief that you hold. right? but, and this is the part that baffles me every time, i don't want to judge you. she doesn't want to judge you. the entire glaad community has no desire to judge you. so why are you so hellbent on denying so many people the right to be happy? what can you possibly get out of it? what purpose does it serve in your personal life? who made you god?

i've long heard and seen the battle for separation of church and state. the state is who issues marriage licenses. the state is who determines what a family is. the state is who prevents some from marrying. mind you that most, if not all, of the gay couples i have met have MUCH better and more stable lives than straight couples do, but that's beside the point. you want the freedom to worship your god. practice your faith. live your life. what would you do if the state came in and said, "no." you argue that the law says marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman. okay, valid point. it does. however, it has also said slavery is okay. women and black people can't vote. those with special needs are to be institutionalized and sterilized. changes were made to those...do you think all of those were wrong too?

i just don't understand. i guess i will never understand. it's already so hard to be yourself in this world. society telling you what is "in" and "acceptable"...who gives a flip?! my focus is on myself, my family, and doing all i can to see that they are happy, healthy, and loved. this country is about to collapse around us. the world seems poised more and more each day to launch an attack on each other. what the hell is so wrong with two people of the same sex just wanting to share a life that it leads you to verbally, physically, and in so many other ways condemn them to a lower class. please...PLEASE...walk up to a straight black woman and tell her that she is not worthy of a happy life. tell an elderly man who brought his entire family to this country decades ago to provide them with better opportunities, with nothing more than a dream and some spare change, that he will never be as "good" as you are. just these two scenarios alone were acceptable not too long ago. but you wouldn't do it today. why?

the title of this post, straight...but not narrow, as well as the picture at the top, were taken from a page on facebook that i absolutely adore. straight people advocating acceptance. advocating love over hate. understanding over closed-mindedness. they, like myself, are not asking you to change who you love, or - my all time favorite - "infect" you with homosexuality. (that one seriously makes me laugh and throw up a little at the same time.) just live your life and let others do the same. what is so wrong with that?! why is that such a threat to who you are?!

i am straight. i believe in god. i am a sinner. an unpure, tattooed, twice-divorced, sinner. my friend? she's far better than i could ever hope to be: amazing, kind, strong, funny, loving, beautiful. but because she was born with a heart and soul that seeks love from a woman instead of a man, she is to be condemned? i will never accept that. this is for you, LH, and all the other sweet souls in the world who love "against the norm." fuck the norm.